August 8, 2008... 08/08/08!!

I added up the number of return lessons I have taught since I've been here... I can count them on one hand.  It's really sad how hard the hearts are of the people of UC.  I walked up to a man and asked him if he needed help with anything and he treated me like scum.  All I wanted to do was make the man happy and I got treated nothing like what I thought the position of an Elder should be.  This happens all the time.  People who won't shake your hand, people who say "not interested" before you even say hi.  Lets just say I thought christians would be more christ-like.  

My zone just won The Shoe.  It goes to the zone that has the most baptized in the mission.  My zone has only won it 2X in the last 8 years.  We got 12 baptisms last month which means TSAM history!  It's awesome and I feel way excited for everyone.  It really sucks to have not contributed to it though.  

We dropped Marie officially.  We told her that she would receive her answer when she was finally willing to act.  We told her she can call us any time and to keep coming to church and reading the BOM, but we've taught her all we can.  We also dropped Jessica, she said she felt guilty reading, and wasn't willing to read.  That officially drops our investigator pool down to zero.  Big. Fat. Zero.  

We recently had interviews with President Cutler.  I told him how it was tough for me.  I have the truth and no one is willing to listen.  No one will even let me mow their lawn.  They won't let me do one thing to make them a little happier.  Pres. Cutler asked me what I could be doing better.  I told him that I could be better at talking to everyone.  I sometimes don't talk to a couple of people.  He said "fine, work on that."  Next, he read me Alma 20:30.  Stop and read it now!!  :)  It answered the question of what was wrong, but brought up the question of why me...

Why had the Lord picked me to go to UC?  Why didn't he choose someone who could actually do good for them?  Did he stick me here cause I was unworthy to teach others?  Why weren't my prayers of teaching somebody working?  It got to the point where I was pretty much going through a checklist just to be obedient, but I had no faith in the UC people.  

We just went to the temple last Thursday and I went with 2 questions:  What can I do better?  and why do I have to go through this dry spell?  I got a confirmation that I was doing my best and I could do better at talking to everyone.  As I was pondering about the second question, I remembered something a lady said to me earlier that day.  She said "I'm glad you talked to me today.  Having people challenge you really strengthens your faith."  Then I felt the spirit say "I am strengthening your testimony for later when I need you!"  I thought about how much my testimony has been strengthened.  I really have grown so much.  I can see how the Lord is strengthening me and blessing me.  I wish I could help people more.  I say this, but it turns out that with my last two companions, this is the area that they both have done the most service in.  

Anyway, it was a big (even though it should have been small) problem that I faced.  I started writing this letter when I had reached a breaking point and finished it with my answer!